Watch This, Watch Me Shrink

I've been tagged...

2006-05-01T21:18:00.000-04:00

Danica tagged me... I hope I do this right.

I'm the kind of girl who is obsessed with "Friends".
I'm the kind of girl who is very sensitive.
I'm the kind of girl who likes to be massaged and pampered.
I'm the kind of girl who LOVES to cuddle.
I'm the kind of girl who is dying to find "the one".
I'm the kind of girl who makes a good girlfriend.
I'm the kind of girl who is dying to see Italy.
I'm the kind of girl who loves beer and hot wings.
I'm the kind of girl who had dreams of making a living writing.
I'm the kind of girl who wants to be somebody someday.
I'm the kind of girl who is raising a great son.
I'm the kind of girl who will struggle her whole life with her weight.
I'm the kind of girl who will struggle and win.

Is this all I had to do?

Thanks Guys...

2006-04-30T08:38:00.000-04:00

So I read Melissa's blog... And as usual she is right, as well as all of you, Thanks Tressa, Emily, Jamie, Sheryl,and Melissa. I have been completely off track, with total loss of discipline. Up to and including just 10 minutes ago when I ate pizza for breakfast. So yes, tomorrow is a new day. I will work out today however because that is the only thing keeping me from being 1000 pounds -(but at the same time giving me man thighs). I need to get under 200. This is a must. I need to lose a lot more, but being under 200 will be a big deal for me. If I can just get myself there, I'd have so much more motivation. I am thinking of canceling my auto shipments, but I fear if I do.... Ill be all done. So never mind, I am not going to. When I can prove I can be disciplined I will do that. One thing at a time. I feel like such a slacker... Your a slacker McFly... A slacker, Oh well. Really guys, thanks for all of your support. I'll get back there.

Shit!!! Son of a motherless.... WTF

2006-04-26T22:18:00.000-04:00

Screw me man!!!! I am back up to 206. I don't even want to talk about it. I hate myself right now.

So.... I am LAZY huh??? :)

2006-04-18T07:54:00.000-04:00

I was just eating my NS bran cereal in my kitchen thinking... yanno what is wrong with me? I was doing so well. What changed? Am I bored? Why in over one months time have I only lost 2 pounds. Why am I becoming the rationalization queen? Anyway, while I am asking myself these questions walking up the stairs to come post a blog and ask for help, Melissa had already posted a comment... She must have known my struggles(he he she called me lazy). A great reason I should have perhaps done this sooner. Avoidance seems so much easier at times. I didn't want to loose my fire so soon, but I did.... I fizzled, my motivation was suffocated. I don't know if it was the stress of the move... The stress of the death of a good friend... The stress of Tim breaking up with me... I am sure all combined through me for a loop. It all makes my goals seem less important in that moment, but at the same time more important. How easy is it to do something when you are already happy?
Tim was supporting me because he knew how bad I love clothes, and how miserable my weight makes me. He encouraged me a great deal, but in a very non pressured way. It made me excited for the next time I'd see him for him to notice my progress. Now he is gone... And I give up on myself that easily? Where is my self-reliance? Ralph Waldo Emerson would be so disappointed.
My friend Darryl passed away, He had one of those battles in life his body did not win. He was highly intelligent, and emotional, and I always wanted to see him succeed. I can only trust God knows what he is doing. I can only trust that Darryl is just fine now. He was so sweet to tell me that my face wasn't fat... He knew what my heart needed - why can't I keep my body and mind on track?
Anyway, It is true. I am off track. Some meals doing fine, some meals blowing it completely. Sometimes I am falling into my same old habits....The most common one grazing - trying to fill some empty feeling in my heart with food, even though the actual tummy is not empty. My most important statement is this... I do not want to stop!! I want to get my momentum back. I need to find it with in myself, or find it here while I am in the process of finding it with in my self...
Well... This was me trying to be accountable for my absence. Today i will do my best to be 100% on this diet. Thanks for reading. -Mandy

Compare and Contrast

2006-04-05T17:10:00.000-04:00

Here ya go Melissa :) the pics... This was not an easy task, it took me a few hours to figure out how to do this. Low and behold the finished product. I don't remember the exact weight of fat picture #1 its somewhere around 220.0 Fat picture #2 is at 205.0 I believe. It's been 3 weeks since I took it, actually a little longer. As you can see I was sporting the same duds for accuracy, well the t-shirt anyway, pair of jeans #1 no longer fit by pic #2. Lets hope I keep shrinking... also keep in mind my 4ft 10in stature. Fat can really bulk one up huh?

PANTING!!! I'm Here....

2006-04-03T08:24:00.000-04:00

Ok Ok Ok.... Sorry bout that... I am not aloud to use the PC at work for this kinda stuff, and I had some connection issues going on with my networking equipment. I was down and out for a few, but I should be back. Had to spend like 150.00 on new modem/router/adapter stuff. I weighed myself last Wednesday and I was 203.3 so...... As you can see I didn't reach my March mini goal... This moving crap, along with having to reorganize my life and get used to different routines is for the birds. I am finally getting used to it, and I have hardly been perfect on my diet since I got here. I seem ok during the week, but as soon as Friday hits I feel like "screw it gimme a beer and a burger" anyone else feel like that???? Well off to bring my favorite boy to school..... See ya'll soon :) thanks for caring (Melissa and Danica). I have to v=catch up on you guys too!!! -Mandy

Say Cheese....

2006-03-05T21:31:00.000-05:00

So.... I allowed my Mom to take some "23 pound lighter" pics. I surprisingly see a difference, however I'd like it to be a greater difference because I am Impatient Mandy, nice to meet you. I was going to post that comparison side by side thingy like Bob did.... However, if you have been keeping up with me you will know that I am moving. I packed a box today labeled "computer desk stuff" and guess what is in that box? Yep, the cord that connects my digital cam to my PC... I am moving this coming sat. the 11th. I guess we will have to wait until I am settled in to post... Hey maybe ill be even lighter by then. I hope everyone is doing well...

Early Weigh-In

2006-03-01T06:54:00.000-05:00

I am 207.0 pounds this morning. That is a 2.4 pound loss over this past week. 3 pounds over last 2 weeks... You know since my period incident. I survived it. My total loss is 23.0 pounds. 8 pounds until my mini goal. The mini goal is when I will post a comparison pic, so stay tuned. Thanks guys for getting me through the week.

wocka wocka wocka... but i knew that already

2006-02-23T20:15:00.000-05:00

You Are Fozzie Bear

"Wocka! Wocka!"
You're the life of the party, and you love making people crack up.
If only your routine didn't always bomb!
You may find more groans than laughs, but always keep the jokes coming.

The Muppet Personality Test

I Hate Being a Girl

2006-02-23T08:40:00.000-05:00

I just weighed in. I lost only .6 of a pound. I know there were a few places over the past week where I fell short of 100% Mr. Scale is either being a tough ass right now... By saying "ha... I'll show you" or the fact that I have my period is effecting my weight at the moment. Is it proven that menstrual bloating effects one's weight? Or is that just an excuse women get to use? I mean I feel bloated and crampy... But I'd like to know just how much weight bloating can be responsible for. I'd also like to know what my fellow women bloggers do... do you re-weigh when its over, or just wait out the week? Well either way... I am bummed - But I'll get over it.

Really Quick Note

2006-02-16T09:03:00.000-05:00

Hi all... Sorry haven't been around... I weighed in today. Another 2 pounds gone. I'm shocked... Last weekend was rough. I will explain more later, but I was snowed in at Tim's ... Took he 3.5 hours to get home...(normally a 1 hour trip) Did not have food with me so I made some choices and I guess they were ok... I also made some other choices last night that were NOT ok... (eh hmmm ** blushing ** reese's peanut butter cup) Anyway - I am as sick as a dog. Sinuses again.... This is BAD. So I am now 210.00 ponds... 20 pounds gone! One thing to feel very good at. I read up on you guys and post more later... I feel like CRAP.

I Have Never Been This Big of A Loser Before

2006-02-09T07:47:00.000-05:00

Well, the weigh-in is done. I am 212.0 even. I lost 2.4 pounds this week. 18 pounds in total at the start of week 4 -- 13 pounds until I reach my mini-goal (march 17th). I am so happy to call myself a "loser"... I have never logged progress before like this - and a diet has never been so easy for me. Besides the fact that the food is easy and convenient for me... I also think I am really emotionally ready, and spiritually "INTO" this diet and this blog. Thanks to all who welcomed me.

A Couple Days Off....

2006-02-08T22:22:00.000-05:00

I had today off from work. I went to an ear, nose, and throat specialist. Turns out my sinuses are a mess... Splendid. I have "under-developed frontal sinuses" or so the CT-scan says. Hey, at least it's not my chest! Ha! So in addition to the 14 days I spent on antibiotic, I can look forward to 14 more days of another kind, and 3 different types of decongestants, as well as a saline spray 3 times a day for my nose..... How attractive! Oh well... I have tomorrow off too, but that's because I have to work Saturday.
Super Bowl Sunday I went to Tim's for a get-together. I actually did pretty well... I didn't eat my meals all day just had a yogurt and 1/2 banana for breakfast and a salad with cottage cheese for lunch. Tim made me a fat free Mexican dip and I took a few baked nachos, I shared a knockwurst (no bun) with his dog Cranston, and I had a little bit of chili and a piece of broccoli and chicken bread (which I brought from my favorite Italian place). All in all I don't think I over did it.
Tomorrow morning will be my 4th weigh in, and I managed to stay away from the scale all week. Keeping my fingers crossed. I'll post the update in the morning. Time for bed, I worked all day on my house... I'm beat - Nighty night

It Pays To Stick to 1 weigh in Time.

2006-02-02T07:53:00.000-05:00

* today's weigh in... I lost 2.6 lbs. I was 217lbs now 214.4lbs -- This means I have lost a total of 15.59lbs and have 15.4lbs until I reach my mini-goal. In order to reach my mini-goal I would have to lose 2.5/week. To reach the "runner-up" mini-goal I have to have a 1.9 lb(lets just say 2 lb) loss per week.... I know that is do-able, but I am going to shoot for 2.5 !!!! Let's go Irish!!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya Tomorrow....

2006-02-01T20:58:00.000-05:00

Well tomorrow will be my 3rd "official" weigh in -- Week 3 -- I hope it turns out grand. I will be thrilled with the loss of one pound. I really am determined to make that mini-goal. I want to be one pound under 200 lbs by March 17 - yes, St. Patrick's Day. That will be a 31 lbs loss in total and 18 lbs from my last weigh in. St. Patty's day is exactly 6 weeks and 1 day from tomorrow's weigh in. I may do it, however, that would mean loosing 3lbs per week, which may be a little unrealistic, but I feel like shooting for the stars tonight. If I can't manage the mini-goal, I will make this more realistic one; By the end of March, I want to be in onederland - 199 lbs. By trial and error I want to see what I am capable of. I will not take another pic (full body like one the NS profile) until then.
I know before I said my prayers were answered with this diet because I was praying for health, which believe me, that is still top priority here.... However, being and feeling attractive is a big part too. I don't mean in the shallow way of my high school years... Where to be looked at by a boy you had to be perfect. I am just plain sick of being considered "unattractive" for carrying extra weight. I am sick of people who have no clue what its like to be overweight giving me advise when I didn't ask for it. I am sick of hearing "you have such a pretty face" with an underlying tone that really says It's too bad your fat. I don't want the Mandy everyone knows to change, but I want the way everyone sees me to change. I want to be a success story !! I just want all of you to know... When this happens, it will be a highly emotional state for me. I am going to be that girl I always wanted to be.

Weight On My Shoulders

2006-01-31T21:57:00.000-05:00

Ok, I think I need to stop weighing myself. It is time to go back to 1 time per week because I feel a psychotic fit of rage coming on... And that can be a bit damaging to my new positive attitude. I must realize this is only week 3. I must realize that these things take time, and that this is just an ultimate challenge of my patience. One of my worst traits is that I am impatient...Very impatient. It has been the cause of all my diet failures in the past, and I have to accept that things don't happen overnight (except weight gain it seems). The NS diet and this form of support has been more successful than any other in all the years. I can't let old "Mandisms" sabotage a good thing... So... Thursday mornings is it... No more "on the scale, off the scale, back on the scale" in less than an hour. There is no need for such behavior and obsession. ***** RELAX, BREATH, THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS ******

Productive Weekend

2006-01-29T19:12:00.000-05:00

Well, here are some pics of my kitchen before and almost after... My friend Jay put the new floor in today. There are some pics of Shane helping. The pic of the sink shows the color of the kitchen before it was painted... The lighter pink is what I chose with the light yellow.
As far as the diet goes, I was a little bit weak today.... My mother made lasagna !!! Yes, homemade everything lasagna. PURE TORTURE. I ate it as a replacement for both lunch and dinner entrees, along with a big salad; now I will have a fruit and maybe my after dinner snack tonight, then again, maybe not. I feel a little guilty, and I hope the scale is nice to me.
Otherwise, my weekend was wonderful. No news on the MRI or CT scan- whatever it was I had Friday... And as for Friday night, I went up to see Tim and had a wonderful evening with him... So wonderful I can barely wait until this coming Friday to see him again....

Wow... Feeling pretty good

2006-01-26T20:18:00.000-05:00

The sinus thing is much better, thanks to antibiotics. Keep your fingers crossed that I do not have pollups in my sinuses, we will know soon per MRI I have scheduled for tomorrow. I am really not in the mood for the surgical removal of anything through my nose :(
Today I feel I cheated, however I may be over-reacting. My mom had these 140 Cal. ice cream sandwiches with "cow" in the title... I dunno they are "light", anyway my son was eating one, and I figured our NS snacks aren't usually more than 100 Cal... So I split one with my Mom (70 Cal). Is that cheating??? I think I just felt weird eating something that doesn't have a NS wrapper on it. Out side of that I was pretty much good.
I also want to thank Sheryl for her support and for her shout out in her blog about me. That was really nice. I am rather new to all of this, but it seems to keep everybody on the up and up -considering we are all going through the same thing. I also love that it is online at our own pace, no meetings to work into our busy schedules. The food is prepared and portioned out.... Let's put it this way... I have very little to worry about... A few salads, a yogurt, maybe some cottage cheese to measure, but that is it. I am very pleased.
Well I am just looking forward to things getting better for me... And it is going to start with me becoming happy being me. No more tears, no more fears. Thanks for reading - Mandy

2006-01-25T17:22:00.000-05:00

this is my unfinished "in progress" livingroom and when its done i will post a pic

2006-01-25T17:18:00.000-05:00

this is my mom's living room, exact opposite of my livingroom

2006-01-25T17:17:00.000-05:00

pics

Bugging Out

2006-01-25T07:57:00.000-05:00

Ok - I had 2 quite horrible days, not food related, life related. I have still been 100% w diet (shocking!!) in fact, I weighed myself a day early (this morning) and I am down another 2 lbs. That's 14lbs total in 3 weeks. I am happy about that.
What I am not so happy about is how things are going w my ex. We are having our divorce finalized on Feb 1st. We have parenting classes to go to which are mandatory. Well whenever we are together in a room like that it is never good. He makes it a point to push my buttons, and I always stoop down to his level and react. Then when I fly off the handle, he acts all calm and mature and says I am crazy and he doesn't know what I am so upset about. He loves when the ball is in his court. I need to learn to just ignore him, but it's hard when you think you know someone and they turn on you. Granted I did break up with him, and hurt him, but it was for our own good. I guess it's his goal now to say hurtful things to me. Oh well. I guess I can be too sensitive at times. There is someone in my life who is much more mature, and not petty, and makes me feel beautiful. My ex is and always was lacking in the qualities that Tim has, and I find Tim most attractive.
I feel a little better now that I wrote this out. So I still have this yucky sinus infection going on. I see my Dr. Today. Need some good antibiotics...Again.
After that, I will be going to my mom's for some quality time with Gayle(my mom). Maybe some tea.... And then off to work on my house. We are currently remodeling the duplex that has been in my family...I am the 4th generation to live there, my son is the 5th. The house was built in the late 1700's and my mom remodeled the outside and now b4 I can move into my side, I need some work done... In the process of doing so. Well Thanks for reading... Good luck to you all and God bless. -Mandy

Chicken Noodle Soup

2006-01-22T13:02:00.000-05:00

Well, I have my 4th sinus infection of the season. I am so prone to these. I will be making an Ear, Nose, and Throat appointment - I can't take em' any more! Hasn't effected my diet, which shocks me completely because usually I graze around the kitchen looking for something to eat to make me feel better... I just ate my chicken noodle soup for lunch(good choice I think given the circumstances), and I ate my salad too even though I couldn't really taste it too much.
I bought a pilates ball and have been working out with it to tone and strengthen. I am amazed at how well it works, yet easy on the joints, neck, and back because the movements are slow and smooth. Much better than the neck cramp after doing crunches... No matter how hard I try to do sit ups and crunches the right way, I still feel a pull in my neck. I have had about 3 pretty bad car accidents in my past (one only last year- was rear ended by a transit van), pretty sure that's why there is sensitivity in that area.
I will be weighing myself on Thursday, like my friend Karon, I also like to step on the scale to keep myself on track... Reminds me that if I stray there will consequences, and how I do not want to see the numbers climb. That is also why I keep that picture on my NS profile. I could easily take it off, and put a darker one up, where my rolls and double chin are not so evident; Perhaps a picture where I am hiding behind my son, or a picture at a more flattering angle. I will not do that however, because I'd be lying to myself, and myself alone !!
Well thanks for stopping by... I'll be back after these messages...

I Want To Give Thanks

2006-01-21T03:51:00.000-05:00

I would like to thank Karon for her help with HTML stuff... And for being so encouraging. I would also like to thank Karon for being my only comment Ha!! Even though I haven't much to comment on.
I have been working on my attitude, trying to concentrate on how well I am doing(Haven't cheated once). I have had a lot of encouragement from Tim (the man that makes all other men look like a waste of my time ) For once I feel like I am doing this for me. It is awesome to know someone loves you as is(that means loving me physically and my neurosis). For once I am taking someone who is rooting me on as just that,.... My cheerleader, rather than feeling like I am pressured to loose weight to look good for someone else or even for freaking "society"
Good grief! Speaking of society...Can these actresses get any SKINNIER???? For crying out loud... How will girls growing up in this world ever love themselves. Skinnies are plastered everywhere...(and they are even thinner than my physical awareness years) - Though some of the articles seem "negative" regarding their bag-of-bones look, most are full of praise for the size 0's. I was taught by a wonderful professor once.... That a 0 is just that, A ZERO. But holy cow... Lindsay Lohan gained like a whopping... What, 10 lbs and now ***** gasp**** she's "healthy" and "hot" -- so hot in fact she's posing for animal crackers all over Vanity Fair mag... In underwear or naked no less.
Well anyway... yea, I just totally went from positive to bitter Fat girl didn't I????? I started off good don't you think?? HA. Oh well...... So, back to Positive and encouraged thoughts....
I am doing very well on Nutrisystem.... I am not eating anything I am not supposed to. My urge to cheat is much less than has been in the past, I am not really sure as to the exact reasons, but I am thrilled. All I know is that I prayed and I was lead to a program that works with my life style. I believe I am being helped by one much higher than any of us... And I also believe my prayers were answered because I was seriously praying for my health, and not just to be "hot". For some reason, I don't think narcissistic or cosmetic prayers go over to well with God.... But saying, "Please help me... My son needs a healthy Mom!!!" and, "please I don't want to become diabetic." Those seem more note worthy. So while I am thanking Karon and Tim, I'd also like to thank the ultimate encouragement,God - for making this easier for me.
Well.... I am done for today. Best wished to you all...!!!!

Just to Clarify

2006-01-17T07:54:00.000-05:00

When referring to the God awful picture, I mean the picture on my NS profile. Yuck. But I need to get over that... That is what I look like, and for crying out loud that is why I am on a diet,(and so far finding success easy. I will be weighing myself Thursday. I am hoping I will be pleased with more loss to add to the 11 lbs down already. If anyone has any tips for me on how to stay positive through this and/or how to accept myself and lose the "fat kid with a chip on her shoulder" attitude... by all means let me know. Tough Love allowed.

Depressing Isn't It?

2006-01-15T11:44:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I am so very positive, but sometimes I am a negative pain in everybody's ass. I am so happy that I am 11 lbs down from NS, I have never had results like this, however that picture is absolutely hideous. It is almost unbearable for me to look at. I feel like I want to hide until I become thinner. We all know that's not able to happen, life goes on, but ... OUCH, you know what I mean?

2006-01-15T08:55:00.000-05:00

Me me me